It’s been a while. I know. I’ve neglected you. You’re feeling left out. There’s good reason, though.
I’ve been spending a lot of time doing a lot of different things. It’s actually pretty crazy. I picked up a second job, I’ve aced every single one of my midterms, I’ve consumed a lot of coffee, and threw back one too many tequila shots (also if you’re not following me on Instagram, then I just want to inform you I drank an extremely happy-tasting beer because apparently that exists).
The past month has been amazing to me. I’ve gotten a hold of a lot of things that got out of control in my life. I’ve come out of my winter shell and realized that the way I was going about a lot of things wasn’t how I wanted it to be. I needed to take a step back from the luxuries and extra things I wanted and took control of things that I needed. And let me tell you, it was overdue. I feel like I’m standing up on my own two feet. My room is clean. My car is clean. Do you realize how long it’s been since I’ve regularly kept it all organized (that also may or may not be a metaphor for my entire life)?
As I’m writing this, I’m having a conversation with one of my best friends who is one of the most lovely people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. We’ve been talking about the patterns of our lives and how we enjoy spending time alone. In fact, I’m extremely reliant on my time alone. That and coffee keeps me from having my mug shot posted on every newspaper in the country. But then that time alone can slip into seclusion, which makes my motivation to take care of important things disappear.
And seclusion is exactly where I was. I never socialized. I went to work, I wrote a blog, I went to class, I went to sleep. There wasn’t much else. And then I just kind of stopped caring about the things that weren’t required of me. I stopped writing for my blog. I stopped running. I didn’t hang out with my friends. I just stopped everything that kept me actually sane and driven because I lost my drive. I made myself crazy knowing that all of this hard work was going to an unknown black hole that I could only imagine was full of office jobs and monsters and people who drink decaf after 1 p.m. That’s not the life I wanted. I want to drink coffee whenever I damn well feel like. DEATH BEFORE DECAF. I want to experience things that office jobs won’t allow.
I’m lucky to have people in my life that pushed me to get out of this hole of alone time. I feel like I just woke up one day and knew I had to re-evaluate my priorities and what I have been working toward. I wasn’t surrounded by people who aligned with my perception of life, and I tried to hard to do so. I began seeing all of these wonderful people around me that were there to support me and love me regardless. I’ve since then refocused my time on those people, instead of those who I truly would rather watch paint dry than hang out with. I figured so many things out, and I’m stoked on what’s coming my way. I have a ton of travel plans this summer, I’m saving up big time for my big trip that will start in 2016, I’m doing well in school, I’m taking care of myself physically and mentally and DAMN IT, IT FEELS GOOD.
However, I just want to state that I value my alone time more than a lot of things. I need it. I thrive off of it. I can tolerate all that goes on around me as long as I get time to clear my head and refocus myself on what I want.
So I’m back to writing. More for my pleasure, but I would also like to think it’s for all of yours as well… hehe.
I’m very happy these days. Expect some good things to be coming your way. You know that I love and appreciate you all.